Last weekend I went on a date with a guy that I thought was cool. He was attentive, and seemed to really be into me. He had just moved to my town, and is here on a long term assignment. Well, he had told me he had never been married, and since he hadn’t given me a reason to suspect him, I believed him. While I was on my walk with my friend’s dog, he called and told me that he lied and that he was married, but he hasn’t been with his wife for 3 years. We have mutual friends and acquaintances. It turns out that he had told that that he was married, and no interest in meeting anyone other than as friends. When my friends told me that he had told them he was married, I blocked him from all forms of contact. It had confirmed my suspicions about him. He seemed like a classic cheater, blaming me for his behavior, and not remembering which lies he told.
I bring this up on my pharmacy blog, because what he did affected my mood, and my work professionally. I wasn’t as attentive as I should have been, I was constantly looking at my phone, waiting for a response from him, even though I wouldn’t get one since I had blocked him. I wasn’t as cheery as I was before. But in the end, whatever happened with this guy didn’t matter. I had a job to do, I had patients to take care of, and I had technicians, nurses and physicians counting on me to be the pharmacist. My problems with this guy had nothing to do with my job, and no one in the pharmacy or clinic cared.
We all have good days and bad days. Our personal and professional lives are linked, and often one will leak into the other. Whenever we are going through something difficult in our personal lives, it comes out in our professional lives. I was lied to and betrayed by this guy, and so I had my guard up at work. I wasn’t as open and friendly as before. have a coworker who feels like she has no control in her marriage, so she micromanages at work. It isn’t just the negative feelings that cross over into our professional lives; our positive feelings cross over as well. When I was first asked by this guy, before knowing his marital status, I was giddy like a teenage girl, and everyone at work saw it. Whenever my favorite technician told me she got into pharmacy school, her excitement was contagious. Everyone in the clinic was as excited as she was, and we all wanted her to succeed in school.
The opposite is also true. Whatever happens at work leaks into our personal life. Whenever we are frustrated or stressed at work, it seeps into our personal lives. Sometimes we take it out on our loved ones; sometimes we just hide in our own shells (this is what I do. I become a social hermit). Sometimes we drink more than we should.
In the end, we can control only so much that goes on in our lives, either professionally or personally. However, we can control what we allow in our other lives. However, this is very hard to do. And it is unhealthy to compartmentalize and shut down our feelings. So, what can we do? For starters, we can minimize our negative emotions. When I realized that I deserve better than that lying cheater, it was easier for me to get a better grip on my emotions. Then I was able to focus on the patients and the pharmacy. It also helped that I felt love and gratitude from everyone in the clinic. Whenever I’m frustrated with work, I exercise or go for a walk (although it has been harder to do this summer, with the temps being over 100). I have my friend’s dog Gri to help me as well. She loves me, and allows me to take her to the nature preserve near her house. Friends are great diffusers, both animal and human.
This weekend, I’m going to forget about the lying cheater, and make new, happy memories with people that love and respect me. And of course, get lots of hugs and kisses from this girl.
I know she will never lie to me, or cheat on me 🙂