In a previous post, I had mentioned that I need to put myself first. Well, I have been trying to do that. I have been *gasp* going to the gym more, and trying to be more active. Did I mention that I HATE going to the gym? The last time I went, I sat in my car in the parking lot of the gym for over an hour, procrastinating, until I finally gave up and went in.
The biggest reason I hate going to the gym, besides the actual working out, is that I have a real fear of people judging me. I do not have an athlete’s body, as most people do while at the gym. I do not lift 200 pounds, like I have seen some of the people do. I cannot run on the treadmill for 30+ minutes. To see people do this is very intimidating for me.
I joined the gym because my friend J convinced me to, and J promised to work out with me. He only worked out with me the first time, and every other time he had an excuse not to go to the gym. He is still very proud of me that I still went on my own, although I will admit that I probably didn’t work out as hard as I could have, because he wasn’t there to push me. I got scared of everyone there judging me, and what I can and cannot do. It stems from the fear of rejection, as stated in my last post.
So, what now? Despite me being intimidated at the gym, I’m still going. Will I ever get over my fear of rejection and intimidation, and just work out for ME? Most likely not. For those that say that going to the gym is half the battle, I say FTS! To me, going to the gym is like, 1/10th of the battle. Convincing myself to not compare my own journey to everyone else’s, and not run away just because I see a very muscular man bench pressing 500 pounds is half the battle. Actually working out is about 40%. I’m hoping that the more I go to the gym, the more comfortable I will be in my own skin, and my own fitness journey. We shall see if that continues.
If anyone else tells me to give up sugar one more time, I will cut that b****.